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i dont want to hang on a string
Aug. 30th, 2008 | 11:20 pm
location: my bed
mood: 
angry
music: no doubt-dont speak
i never know whats going on.
no one ever tells me anything in this family
im tired of everyone and their bullshit.
im never trusted with anything
and apparently im fucken stupid. or atleast thats what im percieved as.
my dad is full of ignorance.
he always has and always will.
he is the primary reason that i am the way i am.
i gave up along time ago to try and meet his needs.
i spent my whole childhood trying to impress him through
achivements and acomplishments yet i was never good enough.
i never recieved any aknowledgment.
i was always the last resort of help. i was always outcasted.
i never understood why.
but i need to put that in the past.
i know what i am capable of and what i want to do with my life
i have goals and aspirations that i can fulfil on my own.
i dont need to make anyone happy but myself.
especially not my parents. afterall i dont need them to meet my goals.
everyone is perfectly capable of surving on their own.
what i do want
is that one day my parents stop and take a minute to look at my life
and to see everything i have managed to obtain.
even though i know they will never say that they are proud of me.
i KNOW they will be full of remorse.
and wish that they could go back and tell me that they do believe in me.
no one should let anyone crush down their dreams.
FUCK THAT
im going to do what ever i effin feel like it.
nothing is to hard.
<3
JERKS
no one ever tells me anything in this family
im tired of everyone and their bullshit.
im never trusted with anything
and apparently im fucken stupid. or atleast thats what im percieved as.
my dad is full of ignorance.
he always has and always will.
he is the primary reason that i am the way i am.
i gave up along time ago to try and meet his needs.
i spent my whole childhood trying to impress him through
achivements and acomplishments yet i was never good enough.
i never recieved any aknowledgment.
i was always the last resort of help. i was always outcasted.
i never understood why.
but i need to put that in the past.
i know what i am capable of and what i want to do with my life
i have goals and aspirations that i can fulfil on my own.
i dont need to make anyone happy but myself.
especially not my parents. afterall i dont need them to meet my goals.
everyone is perfectly capable of surving on their own.
what i do want
is that one day my parents stop and take a minute to look at my life
and to see everything i have managed to obtain.
even though i know they will never say that they are proud of me.
i KNOW they will be full of remorse.
and wish that they could go back and tell me that they do believe in me.
no one should let anyone crush down their dreams.
FUCK THAT
im going to do what ever i effin feel like it.
nothing is to hard.
<3
JERKS
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So you think you can tell
Aug. 29th, 2008 | 05:29 pm
location: on the couch.
mood: 
cold
music: pink floyd-wish you were here
heaven from hell
blue skies from pain
can you tell a green field
from a cold steal rail
a smile from a veil
do you think you can tell?
play your mind games.
fool me
attempt to make me fall for whatever you want
all so you can crush me down even more.
at some point i might have fallen for your words.
but i just dont do that anymore.
im keeping my guard up I HATE REMEMBERING what we once had.but lucy told me, it takes a guy to forget a guy.which is true in a way. im not planning to step into another relationship. but there is a guy out there, somewhere that will make me fall inlove again
anywho
college has officially started
and i successfully made it through the first week
the commute is horrible
waking up at 5 daily is killing me
but im just toughening it up
ill survive
blue skies from pain
can you tell a green field
from a cold steal rail
a smile from a veil
do you think you can tell?
play your mind games.
fool me
attempt to make me fall for whatever you want
all so you can crush me down even more.
at some point i might have fallen for your words.
but i just dont do that anymore.
im keeping my guard up I HATE REMEMBERING what we once had.but lucy told me, it takes a guy to forget a guy.which is true in a way. im not planning to step into another relationship. but there is a guy out there, somewhere that will make me fall inlove again
anywho
college has officially started
and i successfully made it through the first week
the commute is horrible
waking up at 5 daily is killing me
but im just toughening it up
ill survive
